Stewie's Story

Here is the story of our newest family, Stewie! He is a Boston Terrie/French Bulldog mix. He is a year old and weighs 20 pounds. He has been very well trained and is very gentle mannered. Stewie was rescued from a shelter by an organization call Project Pooch. Project Pooch is based out of MacLarnen Youth Correction Facility. The inmates train the rescued dog and prepare the dogs for adoption (more info at pooch.org) Our kiddos enjoy saying that we got our dog from jail. We met Stewie a week ago and fell in love with him immediately  We believe he fell in love with us also. The other cool thing about all this is another organization called Vets Adopt a Pet. This organization is such a blessing to us. They pay for the adoption of a rescued pet for veterans as a companion pets. It is their way of saying "Thank you for your service."

Stewie is going to be our family dog, but mostly a companion pet for Joe. Companion pets help veterans with the after effects of war and service, For Joe it is helping heal his PTSD. PTSD is an ugly monster that effects so many soldiers. Some deny they have it which is dangerous if it continues to be untreated. Joe isn't afraid to ask for help while dealing with PTSD. I am so proud of him for getting help which helps our family as well. This year marks the 10 year anniversary of Jonathan Stehle's death. Stehle died November 8th 2002 in a army training accident. Then less then 6 months later he and the rest of 1/1 Cav deployed to Iraq for a 15 month deployment. Things happened there that also changed Joe. Now almost 10 years later and we are still dealing with the trauma. This year seems like the hardest one yet and that is why we believe that Stewie came into our lives for a reason. Stewie has brought Joe so much joy. They are still getting to know each other, and it so fun to watch them together. Joe can talk to Stewie about anything and he won't talk back. Seeing the two of them together bring me so much joy. Thank you to everyone who made this adoption possible. We are truly blessed to have this little guy in our lives!!

[Shabby] Apple a day: Why? Because we Love You!

[Shabby] Apple a day: Why? Because we Love You!: Do you know our customers are our very favorite? You all have the best style, we love seeing the fun and unique ways you style our dre...

Through Christ....I did it!!!

When I went to my lung doctor at the beginning of May I got a wake up call that I didn't see coming. When the nurse weighed me I was hovering close to 200 pounds. Yes, I had a mini freak out in my mind. Then the doctor told me that my lungs look awesome and if I take off at least the 25 pounds I gained being on prednasone I will stay in remission longer. So I decided that is what I will do. I didn't know what to do. I started off slow, but then the Lord made it clear that if I don't find my identity in Him I can not suceed in any area. I lost myself these past few years taking care of my family. I let myself go. So I chose to change. I had to conquer many mountains that I didn't know were standing in my way. The biggest one was dealing with rejection. I had to come to terms that some people will always see me a chubby girl, that it is easier for some to regift their junk to me instead of taking the time to get to know me (not saying regifting is bad, the motive behind it can be wrong and a form of rejection), and the biggest one was that to some I will never be good enough. I worked through all that and healed most of the way, I am human so things will try to creep back in. The other thing I had to work on was that I needed to believe what I know to be true. Example: I know that my husband thinks I am beautiful, I had to believe that to be true, I know Christ wants the best for me, but I had to learn to trust Him, and so on. I am so excited I am going through this personal journey.

The other side of weight loss is food and exercise. I had to come to a place where I had no relationship with food. It was just food, and I needed to eat three healthy meals a day. I have to think about what I am putting in my mouth and is it healthy. I didn't take anything out of my diet I just changed my mind set. As I ate more veggies and ate healthier meals my taste for things has changed. I crave veggies over sweets. I get sickish inside if I go two or more meals without fresh veggies or fruit. Joe and I joined a CSA (community supported agriculture). We get a box of farm fresh veggies and fruit every week. We have been forced to eat more veggies and that has done wonders to our family's health. My kiddos love eggplant and are excited when we get some from the farm. Exercise wasn't any issue for me. I love to walk. I blessed to live in a neighborhood with many hills. Our family loves to be active!!

So with all these combinations of things I did what I set out to do. I lost 23 pounds in 4 months. I am on a mission to loose two more pounds by the end of the month. Then I will work on the next 25 pounds. I am looking forward to the challenges of fall and winter when it comes to food, and exercise. The journey is long and challenging at times, but when I slip into my pants that I haven't been able to fit in in almost 5 years it makes all this worth it! For the first time in a really really long time I feel beautiful. Thank you Lord for holding my hand and walking with me through this!!

Removing the blinfold

I am stewing over a New Years toast my dad made. There was a line in his speech that sunk deep into my soul. He said expect trials, anticipate growth. He was summing up a few verses in James 2.

This past year I am proud of who I became in Christ. It didn't come easy at all. Joe and I were attending a local church for almost three years. For that three years it was almost impossible to grow close to anyone there, you had to fight to fit in. I always felt like they were in a bubble and we were standing on the outside looking in. It was frustrating. In May when I was waiting for test results, biopsy report I had a crisis of faith. I had it out with the Lord. I let all my frustration out. I felt like I was lied to and mislead in my thinking, and in a lot of pain. As I was working through this with the Lord he exposed a lot to me. When it came to that church he showed me that he was protecting us from following into a cultist way of thinking and believing. It was as if we were walking around that church with a blindfold on not able to see things. Our ears though weren't covered so we were still hearing things. The church was teaching things that we not all Biblical. One things that was being taught was that if you are really walking with the Lord then every voice that came into your head was that of the Lord. Which is a lie. They perverted the Gospel to fit it into their method of believing. As the Lord was exposing things to me it felt like a tons of bricks was lifted off of me. I felt like my eyes were open to things that were going on and not quite right. I allowed him to rebuild me. I knew the Lord would never lie to me, hurt me, or lead me to believe something that wasn't true. Man was the one who was doing these things. During the summer I continued to wrestle with things and continued to grow in my walk with the Lord. I learned who Jesus is to me, not what man thinks He should be to me.

While attending that church I was lead astray in my thinking and started believing things that were not all from the Lord. I am not ashamed or embarrassed that I went through that and the disappointment that followed. I learned that is ok to dream, I learned that is my turn to receive what the Lord has planned for us and not settle. God does have big plans for us. We need to turn to Him for answers. In December Joe bought us a house. It has been a very smooth and peaceful process. The Lord has opened a door and we are walking through it.

We left our old church and through prayer the Lord lead us to a wonderful church. Curtis loves his youth group and going to church, Shayla likes her class. We love the preaching and the environment. It is a big turn around from what came out of. I look forward to going to church. If getting sick was a way I was gonna have to learn some hard lessons, then I glad I went through it. I learned so much and continue to learn. I want to be a sponge and soak up all I can.

In 2012 I know there will be trials, but i will be look forward to the growth that follows. It may be a little painful, but I will come out of it much stronger in the Lord. What a mighty, patient, loving and personal, God I serve.

Goodbye 2011, Welcome 2012

I thought I would do a year in review. 2011 was a hard and challenging year.

January-April were pretty uneventful. It is like the up hill on a roller coaster, you know you have to go down eventually but enjoying the ride as long as it lasts.

May is when life slapped us upside the head. That is when our roller coaster life took its downs. Mother's day weekend we went up to Wenatchee, Washington to see my Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle, Aunt, and our cousin. Also we watched our first Apple Blossom parade. My Grandpa wasn't feeling too good, but that didn't keep me away. We came home and my dad pulled me aside that Sunday and told me that he was diagnosed with Prostate cancer. He told me that he was on the low end of it and that it was slow growing. He later told us that he was just gonna wait it out. The next week on may 17, I went into the emergency room after collapsing on my bed in extreme pain under my ribs. After three hours of tests and being poked and prodded the doctor told us that there was tumors covering my lungs and that I would need to been seen asap. That was at 2am, by 7am after dropping off the kids at my moms Joe and I were meeting with a cancer doctor. She informed me that if this was lung cancer I would already be in stage 4. That just hit like a ton of bricks. We immediately turned to prayer and asked people to pray. I was set up with lots of blood tests, CAT scans, and a biopsy. We found out on May 27th that I do not have lung cancer, I was diagnosed with a severe case Sarcoidosis. It is an auto immune disease that attacks the lungs. I was put on a heavy dose of Prednisone over the summer and got a clean bill of health in September.

June was very exciting and very painful all in a short period of time. After three years of hard work Joe graduated with his degree in Computer Aided Drafting and Manufacturing. I am so proud of him for sticking it out and finishing. I am glad I was well enough to watch him graduate! Two days later my grandpa moved in with Jesus. That hurt me deeply. Loosing him is one things I still struggle with. I love my gramps so much. He was an amazing man!

July was a high point. We traveled to Ohio to watch Joe's sister Melissa get married, and visited with his family. Then the kids and I headed to Georgia for a 10 day to visit our friends the Oberholtzers. I call Jhona my soul sister. Her and I grew closer when I found out about my health. She was willing to drop everything to come and take care of me if need be. We had such a wonderful tome together. I hope and pray her hubby get stationed out west so I can see them more often. I sure miss them.

August we left our church. It became very clear to us that we were having our heads filled. They believed every voice you heard in your head was from Christ. We were fooled into believing things that weren't Biblical. We always felt unattached and now know that the Lord was protecting us. When I got sick Joe and I went on our own personal spiritual journey. I learned who Jesus really is to me, and how he speaks to me. It was tough but a crisis of faith helped build me up stronger. We prayed about it and the Lord lead us to a wonderful church. We feel like we are where we belong. It reminds me of the church I grew up in. My son loves his youth group. It has been so good for us.

September we started our homeschooling adventure with Curtis. It has been so much fun! We have really been enjoying learning the eastern hemisphere. He has grown into such a lovely young man!

November we got serious about buying a house. At the end of the month we decided to get pre approved. We just feel like we need to get out of Molalla and make our dreams come true. We have out grown our current home. Joe is pretty stable at work and we were ready to make the grown up decision to get stability.

December 3 we met our realtor for a showing of a house. We prayed over Joe as the head of household, and asked the Holy Spirit to guide him and if this was the house for us that he let Joe know. When we got done. We all knew this was our home. Joe started packing that next day and took us to Home Depot to pick out paint colors. Joe decided that in January we look at two more houses and then make in offer on the one we looked at the begining of December. Well God had other plans. We got an email from our realtor on Dec 19th telling us that the house we loved and knew was ours was getting a lot of activity and word of making an offer were floating around. After a few hours of back and forth we decided to make and offer. We went under contract and the house is ours. We close the last week of January and move in the begining of February. It was the biggest leap of faith we have ever made. We finally are going to get stability. For the last 15 years Joe and I haven't lived in the same place longer then 4 years. Our new home has only had one other owner who lived there for 58 years. When we walk through the house we finally feel like we are at home. We feel like this house has been waiting for us. It is a peace that is indescribable. I have never seen Joe so excited about something. He is like a kid in a candy store.
After a rough year, ending it with so much joy that is going to spill over for years to come makes going the hard parts not so bad!

I am not sad to see 2011 go, I am so stinking excited about 2012. We will be moving into our forever house. I will be closer to family. A new season is upon us, and glad the last one has passed. Happy New Year. May you be blessed!!

The Two Empty Chairs........

I went up Wenatchee this past weekend with my husband and my kiddos, it was the first time being up there since my grandpa's funeral. The thing that was the hardest for me was seeing Gramp's favorite chairs empty. When I walk in the door to their home Grams and Gramps are usually standing up waiting for hugs and kisses. Grandpa would get a hold of me and say hello dear and give me a kiss on my cheek. This time the chair was empty. Though I embraced my grandma, it felt like something was missing......

My grandpa was such a wonderful person to me. He was one of my favorite people. To sound really silly but honest he was my hero, a source of courage to draw from. My grandpa had a lot of health problems that kept him in constant pain. Some have described him as grump, tough, scary. To me he was and will always be just grandpa. He never was too busy for me.

I have so many many memories with him. I remember one time I was spending the night at their home when I was younger, we ended up in Freddies buying gramps new underwear. I remember them buying my sister Jenny and I our Easter dresses. I remember sitting next to gramps at the thanksgiving table, he would tell his other grandchildren that the seat next to him was reserved for me. I remember that I let gramps meet the boy I was dating in High School, needless to say he wasn't the "one". Gramps let me know, but not in words. In 2004 that same "boy" died in Iraq when a car bomb hit his vehicle.

I remember sitting in his home office with him as he shared many stories and photos of years past. I remember his pig collection. I remember he set up his trains and farm equipment in his office. He had a special place in his heart for me. Now his computer chair is empty......the memories will never be empty, my heart will always be full.

I think the important thing or things to me is what he thought of me and how my life turned out. I was a rebellious one and so desperately wanted a place to fit in and feel loved. No matter what I did Gramps loved me through it all. He told almost every time I saw him how proud he was of me. When Joe became a part of my life my grandpa couldn't have been more proud. He loved my husband like he was his own grandson. He would tell people about his service and how he proudly served in Iraq. I remember meeting quite a few of their friends. They would introduce me, and then when they got to Joe they would remind them that this was the one who served in the Army. My kiddos have very fond memories of him. I am thankful my children had such a wonderful great grandpa. Our daughter Shayla was known for climbing up on grandpa's lap during our visits to Wenatchee. In May he was in too much pain and couldn't hold her. She was looking forward to this October so she could sit on his lap again. When he passed away in June the first thing she said amongst all the tears was, I didn't get to sit on his lap again. This October visit came, and Shayla immediately went to the empty chair and sat. Most of the weekend she was just in the chair...........to some it may be a chair but to my 6 year old little girl it will always be more then that.

In May, when I found out how sick I was, my grandpa called me and left a message telling me how much he loved me. I had this strong urge to save the message, which I did. I told friends and family that I couldn't loose gramps during this time of my life. I needed him and for him to know I was ok. I never got to tell him that. I am sure he knows. I remember calling him a week before he passed to get his advice on the drug Prednisone. He told me many a stories of his dealing with the drug. The last things my grandpa ever said to me speaks volumes to me because of humor and the depth in which he cared for me. He said that prednisone will make me fat but to not to worry cause he will love me anyway. What a wonderful man.....I miss you so much!

When Life is Frustrating What do You do?

This season in life is.....well I don't know if words could even come close to describing it. In a nut shell it is hard to push through. It feels like i am standing in quick sand that is trying to consume me but I know that I have no choice but push through and get out. Only Jesus can do that, and he is. Slowly. I am learning to be strong, but know my Saviours arms are stronger. I am learning to test things, and ask questions; while knowing my Saviour will never leave me or forsake me. I am learning about true friendship and what it really is; knowing that the Holy Spirit is my teacher. I am learning to go through life full of emotions, negative or positive; thankful for forgiveness. I am learning the art of disciplining myself to loose this weight, knowing they only way to succeed is exercise, eating right and lots and lots of prayer. Even though I am in quick sand now, I learning how to get out and never go back in. A passage in the Bible that can sum up all of what is going on is:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I have come to appreciate that passage. I have felt all these verses these last few months. God never ever promised life would be easy. He promised that he would overcome the world. Instead of focusing on the negative I think about what the prayer requests he has answered during this tough time. I am thankful for going through cause I am learning so much.