The Two Empty Chairs........

I went up Wenatchee this past weekend with my husband and my kiddos, it was the first time being up there since my grandpa's funeral. The thing that was the hardest for me was seeing Gramp's favorite chairs empty. When I walk in the door to their home Grams and Gramps are usually standing up waiting for hugs and kisses. Grandpa would get a hold of me and say hello dear and give me a kiss on my cheek. This time the chair was empty. Though I embraced my grandma, it felt like something was missing......

My grandpa was such a wonderful person to me. He was one of my favorite people. To sound really silly but honest he was my hero, a source of courage to draw from. My grandpa had a lot of health problems that kept him in constant pain. Some have described him as grump, tough, scary. To me he was and will always be just grandpa. He never was too busy for me.

I have so many many memories with him. I remember one time I was spending the night at their home when I was younger, we ended up in Freddies buying gramps new underwear. I remember them buying my sister Jenny and I our Easter dresses. I remember sitting next to gramps at the thanksgiving table, he would tell his other grandchildren that the seat next to him was reserved for me. I remember that I let gramps meet the boy I was dating in High School, needless to say he wasn't the "one". Gramps let me know, but not in words. In 2004 that same "boy" died in Iraq when a car bomb hit his vehicle.

I remember sitting in his home office with him as he shared many stories and photos of years past. I remember his pig collection. I remember he set up his trains and farm equipment in his office. He had a special place in his heart for me. Now his computer chair is empty......the memories will never be empty, my heart will always be full.

I think the important thing or things to me is what he thought of me and how my life turned out. I was a rebellious one and so desperately wanted a place to fit in and feel loved. No matter what I did Gramps loved me through it all. He told almost every time I saw him how proud he was of me. When Joe became a part of my life my grandpa couldn't have been more proud. He loved my husband like he was his own grandson. He would tell people about his service and how he proudly served in Iraq. I remember meeting quite a few of their friends. They would introduce me, and then when they got to Joe they would remind them that this was the one who served in the Army. My kiddos have very fond memories of him. I am thankful my children had such a wonderful great grandpa. Our daughter Shayla was known for climbing up on grandpa's lap during our visits to Wenatchee. In May he was in too much pain and couldn't hold her. She was looking forward to this October so she could sit on his lap again. When he passed away in June the first thing she said amongst all the tears was, I didn't get to sit on his lap again. This October visit came, and Shayla immediately went to the empty chair and sat. Most of the weekend she was just in the chair...........to some it may be a chair but to my 6 year old little girl it will always be more then that.

In May, when I found out how sick I was, my grandpa called me and left a message telling me how much he loved me. I had this strong urge to save the message, which I did. I told friends and family that I couldn't loose gramps during this time of my life. I needed him and for him to know I was ok. I never got to tell him that. I am sure he knows. I remember calling him a week before he passed to get his advice on the drug Prednisone. He told me many a stories of his dealing with the drug. The last things my grandpa ever said to me speaks volumes to me because of humor and the depth in which he cared for me. He said that prednisone will make me fat but to not to worry cause he will love me anyway. What a wonderful man.....I miss you so much!

When Life is Frustrating What do You do?

This season in life is.....well I don't know if words could even come close to describing it. In a nut shell it is hard to push through. It feels like i am standing in quick sand that is trying to consume me but I know that I have no choice but push through and get out. Only Jesus can do that, and he is. Slowly. I am learning to be strong, but know my Saviours arms are stronger. I am learning to test things, and ask questions; while knowing my Saviour will never leave me or forsake me. I am learning about true friendship and what it really is; knowing that the Holy Spirit is my teacher. I am learning to go through life full of emotions, negative or positive; thankful for forgiveness. I am learning the art of disciplining myself to loose this weight, knowing they only way to succeed is exercise, eating right and lots and lots of prayer. Even though I am in quick sand now, I learning how to get out and never go back in. A passage in the Bible that can sum up all of what is going on is:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I have come to appreciate that passage. I have felt all these verses these last few months. God never ever promised life would be easy. He promised that he would overcome the world. Instead of focusing on the negative I think about what the prayer requests he has answered during this tough time. I am thankful for going through cause I am learning so much.

When you walk through it

I have been really examining my life lately. Somethings I really don't understand why I have to go through them.

In October 2010 I walked out of my job. There were many reason for that, but I felt that when the Lord told me to walk out there was something more then the issues hand. I got my answer 7 months later. On May 9, 2011 My dad told me that he was diagnosed with Prostate cancer. Then 10 days later I went into the emergency room because of pain in my side and I couldn't really breathe. After 4 hours of testing they told me that I tumors covering my lungs and I need to get immediate help. I met the most wonderful cancer doctor, Dr. Tiffany. She told me if these were cancerous tumors then I would be in stage 4 of lung cancer. That was a lot to swallow. We prayed for a miracle and alerted all our friends, family, and church to pray for a miracle. She was so encouraging to me. She set me up for all the tests that needed to be done. On Memorial day weekend Dr. Tiffany called and left a message telling me that I don't have lung cancer. She told me that she was so thankful that I would not be her patient any more. She set me up with a lung doctor. I have since found out that I have a serious lung disease call Sarcoidosis. I have severe airway and lung tissue damage. To combat and hopefully heal this they have put me on a huge dose of steroids. Thankfully this Saturday August 12 will be the final day I am on them. Then I go back for testing again to see if Sarcoidois is gone. I know it will be, I have faith. I have seen one miracle of not having cancer, now I am waiting for the other. Restoration of my lungs. Going through all this the past 3 almost 4 months has hit us to our core. Probably the hardest thing we have had to walk through as a family.

It dawned on me that this is the reason the Lord said walk out. I was a school librarian. If I would have had the same attack that that led me to the emergency room, during school hours I would have collapsed with a classroom full of kids, I would not have been able to finish the school year due to testing and not being able to breath well at all. I could not stand for very long periods of time. So as we walk through life and wonder why the Lord is doing what he is doing maybe we just need to sit down and see that there may be a bigger picture that we don't see yet. I am still waiting to see the other half of this picture. Why did we have to go through all this health stuff? I am sure I will be amazed at what the Lord has planned. I am thankful my steps are directed by a higher power. As for my dad, we just got word that his levels are lower then when he was tested in May. He is doing wishful waiting and seeing what the cancer does. I know his miracle of healing is coming!

Our Choice Is..............

.......................to home school Curtis. I know many will be gasping and stereotyping us and Curtis at just the thought of this. I ask that you please stop it.

Joe and I came to this decision through prayer. Curtis has asked us repeatedly to home school him. It has nothing to do with a school. We don't think he will go to hell if he goes to public school, and as for private school, been there done that. We have had a challenging year and rewarding year. Joe and I will not broadcast our family issues as they are personal, but know the decision to home school is the best option for the road ahead of us.

I know many are up in arms about this. To say it plainly, i don't really care what any of your opinions are. He is our son and we know what is best for him. If you knew him as well as we do you would be in agreement. Curtis is a wonderful child and we are truly blessed to have the opportunity to raise him. We don't believe home school is for everyone. Our daughter Shayla will not be home schooled. She doesn't want to be home schooled, she is looking forward to going into first grade and being in the same class as her best friend.

Here is what we are asking from you who know us. Please keep all your opinions and stereotypes to yourself. Please support us with a closed mouth and an open heart. Pray for us, not that we stop homeschooling, but the Lord will get all the glory as He leads us in this exciting adventure. We have heard all your comments and this our response and now the subject is closed, no more talking about. Love to all.

Out and About with the Loy's

You know you worked hard in the garden when your shoes and pants look like this!!!

Curtis mowing the grass Such a beautiful yard! Radishes and beets are planted! Oh yes and Shayla planted lots of marigold seeds!

The worm that Curtis found in the dump pile

Self portrait at it's finest, in a mirror! Joe and Curtis taking a ride

Any horse will do for her!

Posing with Mr. Tom McCall and his fish

This below were taken at A.C.Gilbert house in Salem! Loads of Fun!

Playing dead!

Winterhawks game

My neckless picture

More of the A.C.Gilbert house below. Sorry out of order!

With our crazy life it is nice to be able to slow down and spend some quality time together. I cherish these moments!

Happy Birthday Curtis Loy, Happy Birthday toooooo you!

My little boy is growing up so fast. I am still shocked that I am a mom of an 11 year old. This weekend he we had his family party, and of course when you get us all togther laughter flows freely. Between my dad putting Curtis' helmet on and looking like he has special needs, singing Cherokee people to Shayla, or my brother telling Shayla to have Joe and I punch her in the mouth so her tooth will fall out. It was a fun time. The best though was trying out Curtis' new rip stick. Joe is can go about 30 feet on it. I am looking forward to nicer weather so I can try it. Him and a buddy from school are going to have a party later this month. Happy Birthday Curtis. You bring so much joy and laughter into my life. You are so smart! I am thankful that I have you as my son. I look forward to millions and millions of more memories with you! I love you kiddo!

I am so thankful for the family I have!!!

Ask me why is there a hole in my mouth?

That is the sentence I heard all day yesterday (and this morning) coming out of Shayla's mouth. The answer is that she lost her first tooth. She has been wanting a loose tooth and to loose a tooth for almost 2 years. It finally happened on her big brothers birthday. She pulled it out by hereself. She had to call her grandpa, grandma and then her aunt Katie to tell them the good news. Here she is with a hole in her mouth.

I know this looks like a dentist picture, but she wanted her hole to show toothless smile.