It is amazing to me how 13 hard years don't seem so long ago. You were taken from us, in our minds, way too to early. You on the other hand you are probably thankful because now you are in the presence of your Savior everyday. This is the second year that I have chosen to grieve. Grief is odd to me, and I am realizing how powerful our minds are when allow ourselves to let go. I am having odd dreams about water, but I know I am letting go of the accident.
Life after your accident hasn't been easy for those you left behind. For me I think one of the hardest things I have had to grieve, besides your death was the lose of who my husband was. Many of your brothers in arms changed that night for good and bad. Before the accident my husband was a long distance runner. A good one at that. He would run for what seemed like forever. All that was taken from him that dark day in November. I watched my husband turn into an old man almost over night it seemed. The prognosis wasn't good. For 11 years Joe has sought help to help him deal with your death and OIF. In those years so many doors have been opened doors for him to "heal." He has walked through many of those, but for me as his wife the greatest is he now has his freedom back, his athleticism, his stamina, his drive. It started in Germany a bit when he would ride his bike, but that love took off over a year ago thanks to Wounded Warriors Soldier ride. He met other disabled vets who came to Seattle for one purpose and that was to ride their bicycles all weekend with support staff from WWP. That ride opened the door for him to get an amazing deal on a good bike one that was the right weight so he can hold it up with his legs. This summer he did another intense ride with some vets. In that weekend he rode for miles. In one day he rode over 40 miles. At home the average he rides is from 20-50 miles a week. You see, what I thought was taken away was just being fine tuned. Instead of his legs he has pedals. He can go places he never can go by walking, due to his nerve damage but biking sets him free to explore and not be so housebound like he once was.
I see the world differently now. If one thing has been taken away how can you find it again, but differently. You may have been gone 13 years, but I have only allowed myself to grieve and heal for 2 and will continue to heal for as many years as need be. Sadly, there are some of your brothers in arms who haven't healed. Some blame themselves for what happened, other seek out hero worship, some think that they are man enough to handle it, and some think it is ok to grieve and have allowed themselves to do so. I pray they all find peace. I know that you are proud of all your brothers in arms who tried to save you, but the Lord had other plans. I am at peace with that, because I have learned the true meaning of "When God closes a door another one opens." I hope your other brothers have and will do the same. Thank you Jon!
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