Goodbye 2013

I am thankful to have walked through such a difficult and challenging year. As I was walking through it there is no way I would say that sentence. It all started at the beginning of the year. It was as though someone hung me upside down from my toes and shook my whole world, all while poking in me in the side with a giant stick. For the first time in my life I experienced anxiety attacks. I was broken down to my core. The previous year the Lord challenged me to real, the me that he created me to be. I thought I was doing good, which i was I just needed a jolt. I don't believe that God created the chaos and havoc that came through this year. I do believe that this was a year that He chose for me to grow the most. It became very clear that I was living life in box that was being dominated by a checklist of rights and wrongs. I expected life and the people in my life to work within my system. How did that work out for me? I learned that life in Christ is not a rule system, but a relationship that has freedom. As I walk with Christ and make him the ruler of my life then naturally I will seek to obey him. It also takes faith laying down my system of operations and take on His. It hasn't been easy at all. I know I am not putting all the blame on myself for stuff that happened this year. I am owning up to my part. Through all of this I learned so much, I learned to let go and let loose. When I started to do that I enjoyed life a whole lot more. I started to really get into dirt track racing, now it will be part of our life as Joe's racing season starts in a few months. I love going out for drink with my husband, especially on Karaoke nights. (Yes, Joe sings) I love watching kiddos dream and watching them come true. I don't live my life through my kiddos, they drag me along for the ride as their dreams start to become reality. I have learned to go with the flow. I enjoy being spontaneous. There is a time and place for planning things. It is fun to fly by the seat of your pants. I am happier and more content as I battled this year. The best confirmation came in December at my dad's 60th birthday party. A man by the name of Mike Jones, flew up from California to surprise my dad. My parents had't seen him in 31 years, I supposedly saw him last when I was 4, but I don't remember him. So foe me this is the first time I met him or spoken to him. He loves Jesus and isn't afraid to let you know that. When I was talking to him he looked me right in the eyes and said "God has been talking to me about you and I want you to know that you are on the right track." I stood there dumbfounded, he continued on saying things that I had only talked to my husband about or things I kept to myself. I can't remember word for word what he said except that he end the conversation saying "I know you are being real, what you see is what you get." The two sentences I remember word for word made a profound impact on my life. He just spoke the confirmation I need at the end of a very very hard year. It was like God giving me a pat on the back. I hope I never forget that encounter. He is a wonderful man of God. I have become real and I will continue on the path laid before me. Walking in freedom is more enjoyable then being imprisoned by self made rules. I no longer over look things and shove them under a rug in hopes they go away. Instead I deal with it right then. It is easier to say I am sorry and please forgive me. It is easier to speak up when I things aren't ok or is something is really bothering me. It has made judgment of other people go away, and the list goes on. So as I shut the door on this year, I will crawl through the window on 2014. We have lots of dreams for this year, we will see where life takes us. I know that this year I won't walk through life being ashamed of who I became, but walk in the freedom of who I am continuing to be in Christ. Happy New year!