I am stewing over a New Years toast my dad made. There was a line in his speech that sunk deep into my soul. He said expect trials, anticipate growth. He was summing up a few verses in James 2.
This past year I am proud of who I became in Christ. It didn't come easy at all. Joe and I were attending a local church for almost three years. For that three years it was almost impossible to grow close to anyone there, you had to fight to fit in. I always felt like they were in a bubble and we were standing on the outside looking in. It was frustrating. In May when I was waiting for test results, biopsy report I had a crisis of faith. I had it out with the Lord. I let all my frustration out. I felt like I was lied to and mislead in my thinking, and in a lot of pain. As I was working through this with the Lord he exposed a lot to me. When it came to that church he showed me that he was protecting us from following into a cultist way of thinking and believing. It was as if we were walking around that church with a blindfold on not able to see things. Our ears though weren't covered so we were still hearing things. The church was teaching things that we not all Biblical. One things that was being taught was that if you are really walking with the Lord then every voice that came into your head was that of the Lord. Which is a lie. They perverted the Gospel to fit it into their method of believing. As the Lord was exposing things to me it felt like a tons of bricks was lifted off of me. I felt like my eyes were open to things that were going on and not quite right. I allowed him to rebuild me. I knew the Lord would never lie to me, hurt me, or lead me to believe something that wasn't true. Man was the one who was doing these things. During the summer I continued to wrestle with things and continued to grow in my walk with the Lord. I learned who Jesus is to me, not what man thinks He should be to me.
While attending that church I was lead astray in my thinking and started believing things that were not all from the Lord. I am not ashamed or embarrassed that I went through that and the disappointment that followed. I learned that is ok to dream, I learned that is my turn to receive what the Lord has planned for us and not settle. God does have big plans for us. We need to turn to Him for answers. In December Joe bought us a house. It has been a very smooth and peaceful process. The Lord has opened a door and we are walking through it.
We left our old church and through prayer the Lord lead us to a wonderful church. Curtis loves his youth group and going to church, Shayla likes her class. We love the preaching and the environment. It is a big turn around from what came out of. I look forward to going to church. If getting sick was a way I was gonna have to learn some hard lessons, then I glad I went through it. I learned so much and continue to learn. I want to be a sponge and soak up all I can.
In 2012 I know there will be trials, but i will be look forward to the growth that follows. It may be a little painful, but I will come out of it much stronger in the Lord. What a mighty, patient, loving and personal, God I serve.
